A New Hope

Thursday Night:

It's 2 O'clock in the morning and I'm sitting here at my computer, knowing that tomorrow I have a lot to do before the weekend begins. But it's 2 O'clock in the morning and the world will wait for me. I'm currently debating the benefits I would have to going downstairs and heating up some dinner in the oven. Questions of sound pollution and scent come into mind when there is five other people who live in the same house. And yes, this is a big house. We're not sardine-canned in here.

I've been up writing guidlines and goals, directions for these websites that I edit. I've never done anything like this and I'm excited. Like everything else in the past month, it seems to fit together. Somehow there is a puzzle coming together that I've spent my life tracking down the pieces of.

One month ago, December 22, 2008 I woke up in a small bedroom of a small apartment that I shared with my roommate and good friend, Amy the Red. I was waking up in New York City. I was waking up broken. I had let the city eat me alive. I walked out of one job when I had everything to lose and into another one. I sold my electronics to make rent and buy groceries. I should've asked for help and I've been told that a hundred times since. At the time, there was something more important. Something I was ready to give my life to prove. That I could make it in New York City. And I did in the last weeks of December. I crawled out of my hole. I stood proudly in my platform boots and said, "Neener, neener fucking neener."

I also took the money I had put aside for a new computer and spent it on a ridiculous trip. I had to come say goodbye to a group of people I had come to love as family. I was done.

Twenty-Four days ago, I landed in Toronto, Ontario. I knew something was different at that moment. It wasn't like I was getting off a plane in a foreign country. It was like I was coming home. Twenty-four days ago, I found where I am meant to be.

It seems like a lifetime has passed me by and that I've been given another chance. Or my first chance, depending on how you want to look at it.

To me this is all so very ironic, almost drastic. A month ago, I was done. And now, now... I have too much left to do. Too much left to still give. Tonight I'm writing these guidlines. I'm also putting together the folder of files that need to be published for the various sites I write for, including this which will wind up in my personal blog. And I still haven't began the first half of my Lucifer review. Let alone, read the new graphic novel I picked up almost a week ago.

I'm driven again. I have a place and a balance.

I have a rock. And a shoulder. And a ....question.

But I have balance, so the question can wait. There's no trying to make sure that the mask I wore didn't get too heavy. I'm incapable of hiding the bits of insanity I have anymore. I'm inspired to speak what is in my mind regardless of how insane it sometimes can sound.

I could really be going insane for the sake of convience. But then again, that would be such irony. To say that I've never felt so sane yet, gone insane. I'm sure it's happened before...

Point being, there is a center. The gut tells me, I will be okay. For the first time in my life, I'm not about to question it. I've never been so happy.

Friday Morning:

Well, the Lady Slumber found me before I was finished with this and the work I needed to have done today. And thus the game of catch up begins. I need to remember on top of it all to dress up tomorrow to have some pictures taken that can go with my introductions to the websites.

For now the work… the tasks for today. Post this, write three introductions, post to thinking fluidly on a topic I still haven’t decided upon. Start brainstorming ideas for three separate weekly columns and three weekly blogs. And that’s all with forgetting my need to track down the latest news to report for comic reviewers and gaming craft.

Welcome. You know, work is more fun without responsibility. Too bad I'm loving this.